I just pynch a tree in the face
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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