Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
