I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
