Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
