He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
