In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
