absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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