Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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