I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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