he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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