New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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