with your own penis?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
