Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
