And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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