OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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