I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
