u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
