I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
