i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
