so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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