yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
