I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
