So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
third nipple confirmed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
