How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
