just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So. Much. Porn.
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