no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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