wanna go halves on a baby?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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