1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
