Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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