i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
