All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
