that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
