I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
