Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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