How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
