It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
