There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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