Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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