is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
