I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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