Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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