if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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