he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
