look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
