My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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