I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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