WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
