Dude my mom stole all your condoms
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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