Are we in a gay sports bar?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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