Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
